On this Valentine’s day, there is much talk about love!  As a result, there will be a lot of flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and expressions of love that will be given. It is a reminder to us of the incredible opportunity we have to be in a relationship with that special someone! But the key to a healthy relationship is not the gifts, but the way that we talk with one another!

Certainly, the Song of Solomon is a depiction of a loving relationship between two lovers.  It is a story that shares the deep and passionate love that they have for one another.  As a result, they share their hearts with one another! For example:

Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. Song of Solomon 4:10 (NLT)

Romantic…right? Wow!  If only I was as suave as that guy!

Let me share with you 5 types of communication that make a relationship healthy. While I can’t say that I have mastered these, I am working on them to build a strong relational foundation.  My Bride is too important to me to just coast in our relationship with one another.

Key Number One: Small Talk

Small Talk is a great way of developing an inner connection around things that interest you.  It may be the simple subjects of life that you discuss or share with one another that helps to understand one another better.  When we share small talk, we are revealing likes, dislikes, around common interests.

“One of the great pleasures of life is conversation.”

Sydney Smith, the nineteenth-century English essayist

“Small talk is a misnomer. Those little conversations probably have more impact than any other.”

Laurie Chock of Chock and Goldbert, a communications consulting firm in New York

For many of us, small talk can be a challenge.  However, it is a key to building rapport and will often lead to bigger things.  One thing is for sure, your communication with one another will open the door for many more conversations that will knit your heart together.

Key Number Two: Serious Talk

This is often where things can get even more challenging.  Serious Talk is dealing with those bigger issues that need to be dealt with as a couple.  There are times when these heart-to-heart discussions are a necessity due to the nature of the subject.  Consequently, these can be uncomfortable and maybe even passionate, but the importance is invaluable. Never demean, but always spend time listening and asking questions for the most value in Serious Talk!

Key Number Three: Self Talk

Self Talk is not necessarily talking to ourselves.  Rather, it is the conversations we have that deal with personal problems, fears, hopes, dreams, ambitions, and feelings.  It is the revealing of our struggles or passions that we have deep in our hearts.

When we share Self Talk, our partner can come to a better understanding of what makes your tick.  What is it that makes you laugh, cry, take action, or keep you up at night?  Share those and see progress toward healthy relationships become exponential!

Key Number Four: Soul Talk

Soul Talk is talking about matters of your faith, spirit, and eternity.  It is a revelation of your personal relationship you have with God!  Consequently, this is a necessity for our personal growth in discipleship and a deepening of our spiritual relationship.

Additionally, the closer that you and your spouse come to know God, the closer your relationship with one another will grow. God also takes notice of Soul Talk that we have in our relationship:

Then those whose lives honored God got together and talked it over. God saw what they were doing and listened in. A book was opened in God’s presence and minutes were taken of the meeting, with the names of the God-fearers written down, all the names of those who honored God’s name. Malachi 3:16 (The Message)

Key Number Five: Sweet Talk

Sweet Talk is fun!  It’s the sweet nothings that we share with one another.  This type of talk includes those things like “I love you, sweety” or whatever pet name you have for one another.  While this may be specific to your relationship, take the time to interject these into your conversations or even better, out of the blue!

When you can’t snuggle together on the couch, Sweet Talk is the verbal equivalent of it!  So share those statements that would make your kids cringe!  Show your lover that they are worth being sweet with your words!  It may just put a spring in their step and a gleam in their eye!


Healthy relationships take work.  They simply do not happen because you fell in love in a moment.  They must be tended to in order to be healthy and strong.  Very few relationships fail when these five communication keys are practiced regularly.

Make the commitment on Valentine’s day to establish good communication!  If you do, you will develop the healthy relationship that your significant other, your children, and your family deserve!



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